I seem to have developed a bit of a twitch. More of a tremble really, sometimes my arm will just start shaking and I can't stop it. Or my fingers sometimes just my hand. If I focus on it I can get it to stop, if I breath deep I can get it to stop. I will usually stutter if I try and talk while it's happening, though I usually only do it when I'm alone and thinking and not when I'm in a position to talk to anyone. I used to stutter a bit when I was younger and nervous, not for a long time though.
I have felt like I am on the brink of a heart attack for a while now but this shaking thing makes it seem closer. I'm not sure having a heart attack would be the worst thing for me right now, I suppose that's a bad way of thinking but if I was dead it would be a lot easier for me. My wife wouldn't have to be a divorce she'd be a widow, my kids wouldn't be split between two half families they'd be a whole part of one. That's not such a bad thing. My wife want's to be left alone, she'd get that too. I guess she'd only have to admit to being my wife once more and that's claiming all my stuff as my next of kin. A heart attack right about now would be the easy way out for every one.
Some days I have so much hope. Some days I'm shot down in flames and can hardly get through a day of work without making it to may car to cry.
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