What a long couple of days. Worked all by myself till closing last night. 2 hrs of sitting and thinking. I told my boss what my situation is. She is my superior and my colleague and I felt she needed to know. I didn't elaborate a lot but just the basics. I told her I didn't need special treatment or any kind of sympathy, but that all I do is work and think and it was in both our best interests to keep me working and thinking about work. If I'm not thinking about work then I'm thinking about life and I don't really want them to have to scoop me off the floor in the back. I didn't tell her that last part of course, but I wanted her to realize I need more to keep me occupied than just selling and if I'm not occupied then I will be looking for something else to occupy my mind. I think I'll be getting more and more responsibility anyway, I am starting to show my colours there and I think they like what they see.
Still, it was a long two hours by myself on a slow night. Then a day off today. The kids off to school I ran around and got some groceries. Just walking as slow as I can through the isles, taking my time, don't want to move too fast I might loose concentration. Then things picked up. I met my wife at the lawyers to sign some papers to sign over our mortgage to my parents. So we got to talk a little, and I got to see her, she is so beautiful. Her skin looks so pretty I just want to touch her and smell her and feel her body against mine so bad. She had some time before going back to work so we went to starbucks. It was nice to have one less thing hanging over our heads, no more mortgage payments. It frees up a lot of mind cells so we can relax a little bit more.
We chatted about things, how my job was going how she was doing at work, chit chat, like we used to before. I did ask her if she had been thinking about what we talked about Sunday and if she could see any truth in it. The part about her being happy because she is alone or if it's because we were settling things. She said she was enjoying her time alone, she has never lived alone, neither have I really. She said she was happy more often than not but that she didn't know if it was because she was alone or because we were settling things and confronting problems and solving them, this house thing one more on the pile, a big one. I said at least she was able to see a different angle. When she first moved out it was get away don't look back, I'll never be happy with him, just be by myself is all I want. That was her attitude and she's opening up.
We quickly changed the subject to keeping the house clean and stuff. We both agreed that we were able to keep the house tidier, I said because we have half the stuff in both our places we used to have. Also I added because I wasn't at work all the time I had time to clean up. If I don't go to work until 1, I can get laundry done clean the bathrooms and have a nap before I shower and go. It is so much easier now to help on that front than before. We talked a little about houses, I noticed that she is using the words we and us a lot more now. When she first moved out it was all I, me, my, and you and yours. Now sometimes when we are talking about plans and things she will say we or us. I think it signifies she is thinking more and more about us and us being together long term and us getting through this.
It is so encouraging. Our last two talks have given me so much peace. Since this started I can hardly see straight. I have been having so many vision issues, some times I can see clear others it's blurry. My back has been in constant pain. Since Sunday, it's all cleared up. I am eating more too, I am more hungry anyway, I don't enjoy anything I eat so I have been shoveling down a lot of tuna which is probably good for me. I haven't craved fast food at all, again good for me, but I just don't thing that I enjoy the taste of anything right now. Actually I had a half a beer that tasted pretty good on Sunday, some apple pie that was very satisfying and a root beer that tasted pretty good. Otherwise it's all like eating cat food so why not just put in the nutrients and do it as cheaply as possible.
No comments:
Post a Comment