The last couple days were encouraging. I saw my wife's parents. the kids were sleeping over there Friday night and she had forgotten her Bear at home so she wanted me to drive it to her. It was good because I wanted an excuse to go see them and I was at my brothers and getting really depressed. They were telling me how afte a woman leaves the house she doesn't come back, and that I should look out for me. Be the best dad you can be, set yourself up to be strong after the fall out. He was encouraging me to declare bankruptcy and let her take care of herself. I now in their mind she is gone for good and I know that not to be true. So it was a good excuse to leave.
My in-laws were supportive. though they seem bent on taking a hands off approach to everything. I can respect that though, I have always maintained personally to take that stance when dealing with divorce. From someone outside there is no right answer. I had wanted so bad to tell them to tell andrea how good an idea it would be to not give up and to get counseling and work things out. I want so bad for them to tell her that, but how can I ask them to say that. If it's coming from me then it won't be sincere and then by definition bad advice. Plus I want out relationship to be between us and my wife and my relationship to be between my wife and I. I told them where I was heading and my plan of action. I mostly wanted to clear the air about the rumor mill.
Right now we can't afford to be listening to what one person thinks they saw or thinks might happen that is interpenetrated by someone else and given up as fact. Friends of my brothers (great people, really good friends of my brothers and have been really good to me and my wife) saw my wife at the brick about a month ago. they assumed she was buying something and never tought much of it except that she left really quick when she saw them, they thought she was snubbing them. So now in this light they assumed she was buying furniture for her new house and planning things for a long time, and racking up debt that she intends on sticking me with and this all blows into something really big and conniving. First thing |I did when I left was call my wife and get the story first hand. I didn't want to ponder it for one min without letting her defend the accusation and I didn't want to let a rumor dictate a single thought in my head. she knew right away the indecent and told me straight out what really happened, that she was checking prices in case she did move out if she needed a mattress. I told my in-laws that this ind of thing couldn't get in the mix of emotions, if they heard anything that |I supposedly did or said to call me and get the true story. We are all running on very sensitive feelings right now and we can't have some one's misinterpretation of something weigh on any of us.
I've never hugged my father in law before but we hugged when I was saying good buy. I could feel the love in the hug too and hear he was ready to cry like I was. I think it is hard for him to see us go through this and it makes me sad to have him seeing it.
My wife and I were set to meet after work, we both work until 4ish today and she was coming over to my work so we could have some privacy and lock the doors. All day I was checking online some facts about bankruptcy protection and couples communicating. Thinking about what I wanted to say to her. We talked for a long time and it was very encouraging. I confirmed with her that bankruptcy was something that was nota great option and that I thought it would be the nail in the coffin and pile on the dirt on our marriage. I told her how my plan was shaping up and some of the dates that I figured things would get done at. I told her that every plan of action that I had was aimed at getting us back together.
It was very encouraging to hear her talk because while she still wants her space and is not ready to move back toward each other yet she see's when that is. When before she would say something like "I'm not going to rule out us getting back together" today she was saying, "when you show me you are taking action we will work on getting back together." she confirmed that she has not given up on us and that is a very happy thing for me to hear.
She needs me to stand up and take action and solve problems and not take a hand out. I need to take the steps to make things happen. I told her my goal was the 15th to have the doors shut on my business. That is the day my business license lapses and I cannot have my doors open past then. I told her as soon as I secured this loan and knew that the banks were not going to come after me I was starting to hand out resumes. that should be later this week.
These are my goals. feb 15 locked the doors. By the end of Feb gainful employment.
She seemed happy to see me setting dates and making goals. I truly believe that as soon as this happens we will start working toward together again. I told her that we would rebuild our relationship and it would be different and better. That we would be able to communicate better. That I would pay attention more and that we had so much to look forward to together. I told her I was excited that we will get to experience our first date again, and a first kiss again. and I think that she seemed hopeful that we would work things out. she was optimistic that I would show her I could be the man she needs that can take care of her and our children.
the one thing I think she appreciated hearing the most was that I had noticed us being distant for a long time now. for a long time I was trying different things to connect with her. Trying new things as a family, trying new things intimately with her, helping more around the house. I was trying so hard to fix the gap growing between us but I didn't know how. I told her that I now know what I have to do, I couldn't see before but now I now exactly how to bring us back, and I'm set on doing everything I can. I said I was sorry I couldn't see the road I needed to take to make her happy, but I'm on it now. then I asked her for just a little more time to make it happen, Give me the time to fix us now that I know how. I believe I have that time, but I need to take action now, not next week not next month, not now... right now.
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