Today was lock up day for my business. What a long last couple of days it has been. So much stress trying to get all the jobs done for patients before I closed. I was waiting for some lenses for the last couple of days so I could get these jobs done, they ended up never coming in. Here I was waiting to move out any lab equipment that \I would need to get those done and they never did show up. Though the job I was waiting for wasn't paid for not even a deposit so I'm not too upset with not finishing it. I didn't leave any customers with nothing, I didn't want to steal from anyone.
A couple days ago I had a patient say to me, "You are open every night till 8? and on Saturday too? I'm surprised you're still married." I was dumbfounded, I didn't know what to say, I'm glad she was saying it on her way out cause she couldn't see me with my jaw open stammering for words. And she didn't expect a response which was good cause I didn't know whether to play it like a joke or if I was going to say, "I'm not she just left me my life is falling apart." Though that wasn't the hardest conversation I had to have, telling some customers that \I couldn't do your glasses anymore because I couldn't have them done before I closed was hard. And lying to some about why stuff was moving out, that was hard too.
All this while trying to plan what was moving out when and which bits get packed up first and what can I take tonight. So much anxiety over what if the landlord finds out and locks me out. What about creditors who is going to know. All done now.
I was trying to talk to my son about it being closed, he said it was sad in a way that it was closed. I tried to talk a little bit to him about the measure of success and how it can be measured in more ways than just money. It was too hard for me I almost started crying so I stopped and we just watched TV and he built some lego before bed.
In a lot of ways it's hard for me to walk away from Hero. It was my identity for 5 years, I dumped everything I had into it. Maybe that's why my wife felt she had to leave, Hero was a tough mistress to compete against. Shutting it down has been very tough, and now when I most need my wife to hold and talk about it, she's not here. That is the hardest part. All the moving, all the lifting and banging, leaving behind something I worked hard on, people I worked hard to keep happy. It's all easy compared to watching TV by myself, sleeping in an empty bed, no one to talk to about what I feel.
Still, with Hero being closed, I'm now open to start the positive moves forward. With most of the negative behind me, tomorrow I deliver some of t assets I sold, get some money. That's a big step forward. Instead of back stepping and trying not to stumble down the hill I'll be pushing forward sure footed. I'm hoping it will start a trend. Tomorrow I'll sell some assets, next week a new job, the week after maybe I can hold my wife again. Ending all the negative movement so I can start trudging forward into a positive new light.
the one thing in the near future that I'm not looking forward to is dinner with my buddies on Wednesday. We have arranged drinks and dinner, I have no idea what to say. Yes I've shut down Hero, bummer. I'm not sure I really want to tell them my wife moved out. That's not true, I am sure I don't want to tell them, I'm not sure if I will. We'll see what Wednesday brings, maybe a positive spin by then.
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