Keep on working

  Crying less often doesn't mean more happy.  I think I'm over the sobbing and crying part, but that just leaves my mind open to think more, and that's not a good thing.  I may not be crying but the level of anxiety that I have is so high I could have a heart attack at any moment.  I can't stop thinking about the what if's and could happen scenarios that I wouldn't say I'm any less devastated then when  I was on the floor crying.  Just a little mor functional. 
  I happen to be a person who works well under pressure so when my anxiety is high I can still get a job done.  So, cleaning up my shop and getting ready to move out, organizing my finances, having a job interview tomorrow,  I think I can handle myself through that.  It's when it is all over I have trouble.  I'm used to finishing the job and the stress going away.  In the past the stress was from the task at hand and once I got things cleared up the anxiety and pressure cleared up.  Not so now.  I finish a task and the anxiety is till there, got to find a new task, get that done.  Still so much pressure.  When it's time to unwind and go to sleep, I can't get rid of it. 
  I'm planning on closing my shop on Thursday or Friday,  getting everything done is a big job,  I can handle that.  Saturday I'm delivering some assets I was able to clear out.  Sunday, no task.  Nothing to do but sit around and stress out.  I may be able to find some things to do around the house, clean up something or other, I have to fix a break on my car, but that will only last me a day and I'll be a shivering mess.  I hope I can get a job and get something to occupy my time and keep my mind off of things.  If I have to sit around this empty house for too long I'll go mad.
  I've had so much anxiety thinking about what life would be like not married to my wife.  What things would feel like, how things would happen.  It's a feeling that looms over every thing I think about.  I can't live that way, I can't think of any way I can have a relationship with my wife where she wasn't my wife.  No other outcome is acceptable, I can't do it.