stop trying so hard

  Dropped off my assets, got paid today.  That was nice.  It all went really smoothly actually, got things set up, made it all in one trip.  Saw a second sun on the way up with my brother, I hope it's a good sign.  I had a really bad omen a few months back.  A bird flew into my window at work and died right in front of my door.  I don't normally take much stock in omens but that must have been a bad sign.  though a second sun must be good because you hardly see the sun reflected like that.
  I went up with my Greg, my brother, and he helped me unload the stuff I had sold.  He bought a car up there so he was going anyway but left on his own before I was finished.  As a result I got two hours in the truck to think all by myself.  My wife had told me one time that she had good days and bad days.
  It got me to thinking that if she was having bad days it was because she loved me.  She was pushing through the bad days to see what happens, trying to see if things get better.  Though that line of thinking takes me to a thought that she is fighting through those bad days where it is hard to be away from me as if she is fighting being in love with me.  She is trying hard to not be in love with me.  All she has to do is admit that she loves me, even to her self.  What is so wrong with that.  I love her, she loves me, we can start there and make steps forward together.
  I just want to tell her to stop trying so hard to convince herself that she doesn't love me and start believing her heart that she does.  How do I tell her that.  maybe I will write her a lengthy text to get that off my chest.  I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring her but often I really need to say these things.  I know my counselor would tell me to lay off, give her the space, but it is so hard not to fight for her.  They say that if you really love someone let them go, if they come back then they are really truly yours.  I thin it's a load of crap that quitters tell themselves so they don't have to fight for someone.  It's what you do when you don't know yourself that you are in love, letting them go is what you do when you are relieved that it wasn't you that had to break things off and you don't want to admit to anyone that you are really relieved they are gone.  Letting my wife go is not an option, I am ready to stand up and fight for her love, to express my love to her.