We?

  Well I thought I was out and never had to go back but my dad wanted to go over and see what he wanted that I left behind.  So back to Hero I went and I knew what it would be.  Dad picking through every screw in the wall trying to salvage whatever he thinks he might maybe use someday.  It was painful to hear him, "you don't want this, it's still good, you will need this right."  I sat around there for 4 weeks almost thinking about what I wanted and what I thought I needed.  Nothing there fits that bill.  I know it's just going to be another pile of junk we'll be tripping over for the next ten years before somebody finally throws it out.  I just wanted out of there and he just wanted to salvage every pen laying around.
  Tried to keep myself busy with fixing a problem with my car, didn't get it quite fixed so I guess I still have something to do tomorrow.  Drove around trying to put together a valentines present for my wife.  I know that we've never done anything for valentines, my opinion is that it is a makeshift holiday to spur retail movement for flowers and chocolates.  But now it seems that I need to start doing things different.  If we are going to change and grow I and We need to break out of our old habits and try to do things in a different way.  So this was just the first thing.  I hope I get a chance to show more.
  I dropped it off at my wifes' house, I had the kids show me which one it was.  They brought it up to the door for me and left it on the step.  I didn't want to get out of the car and go up even that far.  I don't want to see the house, I don't want to look in the window, I just needed to get her this gift.  I got her something I knew she would like, wine, a candle and a book.  A nice night in to relax just for her.  I wrote on a card for her, it was hard to find a card that was mostly blank so I could write my own words to her.  I guess most people just want to buy a card to pretend they made up feelings, I wanted something that was my feelings, I needed to write that myself, not some guy in an office writhing sappy cards.
  My wife dropped some stuff off for the kids later and I saw her.  I was so happy to see her and I just wanted to put my arms around her and hold her.  It was hard not to start crying, I had to leave a couple of times.  We shared a few words at the door as she left.  She was worried that now that I knew where she lived that I would stop by in the middle of the night and try to see her.  I said I wouldn't, this whole exercise is because she needs her space and I don't want to break in on that.  I couldn't verbalize it then but I did text her right after to say I respected her privacy and wouldn't ever go to her house except for an emergency.
  She also said that we couldn't do things together, that it was too hard and that we need to figure things out first.  I thought it was interesting she used the word we.  I have pondered it for a long time today and at first I was thinking when did WE ever get a say in this.  You left, You dictated when and how.  You never gave We a chance for anything.  There was no ultimatum, there was no, "we need to see a therapist" there was no, "shut it down or I'm leaving, you have 2 weeks to have a plan."  At no point has there been anything WE have decided on at all, it has all been You making the decisions,   My wife has been holding all the cards and I'm just waiting to see what scraps I get dealt.
  Though the more I think about it her using We is a sign that she is ready to open up and start talking again.  She hasn't talked a lot, at all, about her feelings and sooner or later that has got to be a conversation WE have.  I would love it if she started just getting those feelings out herself with the counselor that I have.  I know she hasn't even called yet.  2 weeks and she doesn't have time is a big excuse for I don't care.  Even a lot of the little things she talks to me like, how she says things, it's like in her mind it's already over.  I didn't even get a chance to make things better, not even a chance to try to work things out.  She cut and ran before I could even see there was a problem.  That makes me the saddest of anything, that she just gave up and wasn't willing to let me try for her.
  How do I get her back when she's not willing to even let me try?