out of the ashes

  I start my new job tomorrow.  in some ways I'm nervous, in others I'm anxious.  I read today that a good leader has to have a balance between intelligence and courage.  A courageous leader will run into battle without thinking it through while an intelligent leader will plan but never follow through.  It's the latter I'm afraid of being.  I know I am smart enough to do this job, I have the background I have a lot of ideas,  I need to have the courage to follow through with them.  Give me the strength to be bold and put myself out there.
  In all honesty I don't know if I could have done this a month ago.  I think I would have been timid and just wanted to keep a low profile.  Now that everything has happened, I have nothing else to loose.  There is very little Ego left to get bruised if I go out on a limb and fail.  I already have proven to everyone I know that I'm a failure, in life and in business.  It's not going to hurt me any more to show a few more people.  All I have left is to gain.  If I go out on a limb I can't fall any further I can only end up higher than I am right now.  I have always had confidence in my knowledge and ability but was often apprehensive about showing it,  now there's nothing holding me back.  I suppose I have my wife to thank for that.  This ordeal has caused me to face every one of my weaknesses and to lean on every one of my strengths.  Just like exercising by leaning on my strengths they can only get stronger.
  The sad thing about it is that my wife may never see how strong I am getting.  She may never open her eyes long enough to see me rising out of the ashes.  She may not care enough to look, and only remember the old bird building it's nest.  I hope that she will take the time to see the flaming phoenix rise out of the smoldering nest, flaming a brilliant, flying to it's zenith.  I hope she can see and join me in rising again.